Someday, maybe five decades from now, a grown woman on the verge of old age herself will eulogize her recently departed father.
"It was a weekend for Bay Area events like no other since," she'll tell the gathered mourners. "Both baseball teams were at home in the playoffs, America's Cup was here, Hardly Strictly Bluegrass, Fleet Week ...
"And that dear, dear man took me to see Justin Bieber."
Fans had a lot of choices, but still they came to Oracle Arena in Oakland by the minivan-load on Saturday night, with the cheapest secondary market tickets in the $200 range. Bieber didn't throw up during his only Bay Area stop - he didn't even appear to sweat despite a strenuous onstage workout. Apparently those sleeveless hoodies can really breathe.
The star entered the arena impressively, hovering over the crowd wearing giant metallic wings, looking like a Judas Priest album cover. Hanging upside down in a chrysalis would have been a more apt metaphor. Every decision on the night seemed like a calculated part of Bieber's attempt to execute a full Timberlake, and move from preteen deity to full-blown cross-generational pop star.
Musical arrangements had a tougher edge. Bieber's hand frequently seemed to be hovering within a few inches of his crotch. In one skit, he used parkour and karate to single-handedly beat down a group of paparazzi. The video backdrops featured dirty brick walls and tenement fire escapes. It wouldn't have been a surprise if he restored the engine of a '62 Nova onstage.
The 18-year-old sang and danced instead, with a set list that included 10 tracks from his new R&B-infused album, "Believe," beginning with "All Around the World" and ending with "Boyfriend." If the Oakland crowd was an indicator, he might be pulling off the transformation. The crowd seemed to be evenly divided between elementary-school-age girls with uncomfortable-looking dads in tow, and older teens dressed like cocktail waitresses from the dumpier side of Vegas.
Bieber made them all feel special - a Clinton-esque communication ability may be the star's greatest asset. "I came all this way to find one special girl." "Which of you ladies is my biggest fan?" "I've got one more question: Who wants to be my baby?"
Throw in a wink and a few hundred hair-tousles, and the illusion was complete; every girl in the audience thought Bieber was talking directly to her.
A few more stray thoughts:
-- Tight pants with an extremely low crotch are apparently in; Bieber looked like Tim Conway's Dorf character.
-- Audience members at the Sept. 29 concert where Bieber barfed on stage were extremely lucky. Bieber sings two songs on this tour from a rotating crane perch, and he could have taken out a whole section.
-- Carly Rae Jepsen was one of the better-received opening acts in recent memory. It never hurts to have a YouTube video with 287 million views.
-- The sets were impressive, with sharp edges, secret compartments and biomorphic production design reminiscent of an "Alien" sequel. The MVP on the technical side was Phish lighting director Chris Kuroda, who made the whole of Oracle Arena look and feel like the inside of a pinball machine. Excellent work.
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